I decided to take a small break from writing posts just about writing and address something on my mind today. As a father of two young children, I am all too familiar with the desire of children to seek attention by all means necessary. My 4 year old and 2 year old have tried many things, both good and bad, to summon the attention of myself or my wife. In my conversations with other parents and interactions with other children, I know that this behavior is not at all uncommon. But as children grow, they begin to realize which behaviors get them "good attention" and which get them "bad attention." And as they learn this, they begin to stop most of the behaviors that get them "bad attention."
As I watched the Grammys last night, I began to realize that one the biggest problems we are facing as a society is that we have a generation of kids reaching adulthood now who have never navigated past the attention seeking stage. They never learned that "bad attention" is exactly that...bad. And that view is supported by the superstars that this generations clings to....the Chris Browns, Lady Gagas, Katy Perrys, and Nikki Minajs. They are known more for their outrageous, lewd, or violent behavior than for the talents they possess. That is not to say that they don't possess a great amount of talent. These young musicians have never learned that it is better to have good attention and be praised for the things inside them that are beautiful, noble, and excellent than it is to receive the kind of attention that comes from performances like the one Nikki Minaj gave last night at the Grammys.
We wonder where our society has gone wrong and we look to politicians to fix it. We see the problems in our children and we blame the schools for not doing a better job. The reality is that the problems of our attention seeking society start at home. They start with me and you. So, it doesn't really matter which candidate ends up in the office of President or what promises they make us. Change must happen on the ground, in the trenches, at home. We are the change makers. We are the catalysts for worldwide reform. And that change begins with us all navigating the attention seeking stage for ourselves and then helping others to do the same.
Personally I take some issue with the fact that children will distinguish between what gives them "good attention" and what gives "bad attention." In fact most children will revert to bad attention if they don't get the good...because its better to have bad attention than none at all. This says something about us as adults and parents. In my Germanic community when I arrived as a 29 year old pastor in another life, my treasurer told me that the best compliment I could expect from these good German folks was, "I have nothing to kick about pastor!" Similarly one many opined that he was in the dog house with his wife because he rarely told her he loved her. He confided in a friend that he told her he loved her 45 years ago when they got married and that he didn't understand why he needed to do it again. "After all, nothing has changed!" Even in religious circles, its not the consistent, persistent witness of established churches that get recognized - its the wild upstarts that shake the denomination loose. This is too bad because its buying into our otherwise sick culture. Where do we start? Start by telling my spouse I care - EVEN WHEN I DON'T WANT ANYTHING! Tell my kids how proud I am of them simply because they are and not based on them pleasing me. Offer my services to my church before the pastor has to beg and plead for assistance. Volunteer in my community because of the community's need, not my own! I must be the change I seek or all I have is wishful thinking!
ReplyDeleteI agree, Bill. But, ideally, if our children are receiving the good attention, they won't crave the bad. Sure, it still happens, and some kids struggle with that more than others, but if our children are receiving praise and attention for that which is beautiful in them, hopefully they will avoid those negative attention-seeking behaviors.
ReplyDeleteThat said...Nicki Minaj needs more than good attention. She needs a psychiatrist. ;)
Bill, thank you for your comments. I agree with your assessment as well as April's thoughts. I really feel some pain for Nikki Minaj and many others who do such outrageous things for attention because it means that they probably were not getting the attention they desperately needed as kids. Sad really.
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